Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
