why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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