So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
