You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
