She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
