if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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