Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize