i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
