I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
