Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
