So drunk its hurt
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize