I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my sisters under your porch take her home
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
