I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
