I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
