dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
