Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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