I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
