Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
