I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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