Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
