i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
