I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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