Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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