rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
