I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
