hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
