With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
