Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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