I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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