Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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