in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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