when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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