He asked to "fluff my boner.."
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
