I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
