Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
