Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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