In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
