i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
