Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
