Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
