Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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