Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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