barbara walters just said penis...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
