every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
