I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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