I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize