Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
