btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
