you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
