Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
