can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
