i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
