i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
