Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
