I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
