Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
