His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
