It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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