She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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