he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
