How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
