He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
And then he peed in my hair
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