wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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