Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I look better un-naked...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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