I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
