I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
