Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize