New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
