ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
