I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
