so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
