We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
